The Cinch Review

Iowahawk on debates

Quickly following last night’s GOP debate in New Hampshire, Iowahawk—the decadent crown prince of online satire—imagines a Lincoln/Douglas debate put over in the same charming CNN style.

JEBEDAIAH BURGUNDY
Now it is time for our “this or that” round. I will present each candidate with a choice, after which they will have 5 seconds to respond. Jehosephat McPherson: Dolly Madison or Abigail Adams?

JEHOSEPHAT V. MCPHERSON
Dolly Madison was surely the comeliest of the pair.

ZEBEDEE Z. ZWINGLEHAMMER
Are thee daft, man? Abigail Adams was the true founding MILF.

JEBEDAIAH BURGUNDY
Abraham Lincoln: ham hocks with or without gravy?

ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Jebediah, I was hoping to discuss the Dred Scott decision, so if…

CLAXON
PHREEEEOOOP

JEBEDAIAH BURGUNDY
Whiskey Pete?

WHISKEY PETE
Ham hocks with gravy… and whiskey!

Read it all at this link.